It’s your first date. You’re wearing that new dress you just bought, hair done, makeup on point, and he’s looking ridiculously handsome in that button down and blazer combo. You’re laughing over dinner, which continues on to drinks, and next thing you know he has his arm around you and you have your hand on his leg. At this point you’re obviously enjoying each other’s company and you’re dying to find out if he’s a good kisser. Well after you tell him the story of how you got that scar on your leg, he grabs your face and kisses you passionately. Now you want to find out what else he’s good at. You call an Uber and go to his place. Naughty, but consensual things happen and next thing you know you’re tangled in the sheets and waking up on his bare chest. Now what?
I’ve been there and I know many other women have as well. There’s nothing wrong with taking it to the next level so soon. If both parties are feeling each other/the situation, then why not? * There’s a certain stigma to sleeping with someone on the first date. I mean, there used to be a stigma to kissing someone on the first date – it made you look “easy.” Well, is it easy if both parties are consenting adults? Whether you go home with them and simply fall asleep, hit 3rd base, or perform a grand slam, there’s always that “what happens next?” feeling.
Let’s talk about sex baby…and about the feelings you might have and the possibilities of what could happen after sleeping with someone on the first date.
To text or not to text? The eternal question
You say your goodbyes the morning after and now begins the waiting game. I recommend sending him a message when you get home saying that you arrived safe and letting him know your intentions.
Example texts to send:
“Hey thanks for a great date. Hope to see you again soon”
“Last night was fun! Hope you’re not nursing your hangover all day”
“Hey! I got home safe. Thanks for a fun date. Next time, let’s just skip dinner ;)”
Only do the above if you have intentions of seeing him again and are interested.
The other option, if that deeper connection wasn’t there, if you weren’t feeling it, or don’t care if you ever see him again, don’t bother sending a text. Remember that the decision is up to you. Do what you feel most comfortable doing and don’t worry about what he thinks.
He might like you even more than chicken nuggets
If a man really wants to date you, nothing will deter him from doing so. Not even if you slept with him. True story. I met one of my ex’s on Tinder. We went out the night we matched, I went home with him, and we were pretty much inseparable for over a year. To this day, we are still friends and I asked him if going so far with him on the first date made him look at me in a negative light. He said “I didn’t look at you in a bad way. It actually made me more interested, obviously.”
Be prepared you may never hear from him again
There have also been times where my sexual desires have taken over me and I go home with someone, sleep with them, and never hear from them again. It might happen. If it does, as the strong, confident woman you are, brush it off. Text him if you want, but if you don’t hear from him in a few days – move on. As a great book once said, “He may be in a coma in the hospital, but more likely than not, he’s just not that into you.”
It may turn into a “friends with benefits” situation
You had an exciting night together full of passion and pleasure. The next morning you realize that he is way too into (insert weird hobby here) and realize that he may not be the one and it was just the whiskey talking. If that’s the situation and both parties are consenting then why not discuss that possibility.
Another scenario that may play out is you do go on a second, third and fourth date. It just so happens that each of those dates end up back at someone’s place with an “adult sleepover.” You don’t necessarily have to have a talk, or DTR (Define The Relationship) but there is definitely some sort of pattern there. Discuss with one another if you do want to define it or if you want more.
You may experience feelings of regret
What just happened? What did I do? Call your best friend and spill. Send the “I can’t believe I just did that text,” then give them the low-down. If you’re feeling him you could be regretting that made you look easy. If you weren’t, sometimes it just feels good to vent and tell someone about your sexcapade.
Warning: this feeling of regret may not happen until later on when you get to know him better. That’s when it could go either way. You regret doing it because you got to know him better and you don’t like what you’ve learned, or you regret doing it because now you’re really wondering what he thinks about you.
Just remember…it will be ok
It happened. You can’t press rewind. Most importantly, remember that what happened doesn’t diminish your value. I’m a firm believer that everything in your life and every person you come across happens for a reason. No matter the size of the lesson (pun intended), you can always learn something.
Maybe you realized that sex is super important to you and you’d rather find out sooner than later if it’s good or not. Maybe you didn’t like the way it made you feel the next day and you never want to do it again. At the end of the day, you are still the same fabulous person you’ve always been. On to the next.
*Friendly Reminder: Safety is top priority! Always practice safe sex. If you didn’t have the talk about STDs beforehand (granted not a sexy conversation) you may want to get checked. If you know that protection wasn’t used you may want to consider a Plan B.