Dear Cynthia,

It was Friday night on labor day weekend and we had an amazing BBQ. My husband and I had our close friends and relatives over. This year my husband invited his best friend from college, I’ll call him Ricky. Things didn’t get any easier once I met him as he was one of the sexiest men I’ve ever met in my life. I found him incredibly attractive and couldn’t stop myself from wanting him.

I questioned my relationship and even blamed myself for being a horrible wife. I don’t remember the last time I drank so much however and I can tell you it was too much!

I haven’t felt such physical feelings like these since college. After everyone left and my husband took his mom home, Ricky offered to stay and help me clean up. I quickly jumped on the gesture as something inside me was screaming for this man to force himself on me and take my clothes of me. This is exactly what ended up happening once he gave me the fuck me eyes.

I couldn’t resist and I have literally not had such passionate sex in years. I felt SO guilty the next day I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I have betrayed the man I love and have no idea what to do next…Should I tell him that I’ve thrown our 10 years of marriage down the drain or confess to being a slut who slept with his best friend while ruining lives in the process?

-Best Friend Wrecker

 

Dear Best Friend Wrecker:

Guilt is one of the worst feelings in the world. It can be crippling emotionally and physically, and it’s something I find nearly impossible to live with. Even if you think you might be able to buck up, keep quiet and pretend nothing happened between you and your husband’s best friend Ricky, the flashbacks to that steamy night in the kitchen will keep interrupting you at the most inopportune times, and it won’t be something you can ignore.

Eventually your husband will begin to catch on that’s something’s up. He’ll see it in your face. He’ll feel it in your body. The communication will begin to breakdown, as might your sex life, and when you’re ridden with guilt, unfortunately building up those walls is pretty inevitable. With that being said, you need to tell your husband what happened between you and his best friend.

It doesn’t sound like you want to give up on your marriage (otherwise you’d have no problem spitting out the truth and moving on), and it doesn’t sound like that this Ricky character with the come-fuck-me eyes is someone you’d rather be committed to. But you still need to ask yourself why it happened. Was it really just too much alcohol and wanting-what-you-can’t-have kind of lust?

Either way, you still need to ask yourself some difficult questions that might reveal potential weak spots in your marriage that may have influenced you to sleep with another man. Are you sexually satisfied? Does your husband make you feel wanted? Does your marriage feel stagnant? And furthermore, would you sleep with Ricky (or your husband’s next best friend) again?

Whatever the reason was behind it, you still need to tell your husband. Things might get really ugly and complicated afterwards and you need to prepare yourself for the worst. But you can’t live with this burden forever. You made a mistake that you need to fess up, and your husband of ten years deserves to know the truth. Just make sure that when you do go to tell him, you’re willing to do whatever it takes to make things right again.

What happened happened. Now it’s time to move forward, starting first with being honest.

 

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