Dear Lea,

Help me! I’ve gone a few dates with this guy, we already slept together, and he says he wants to keep seeing me but he never makes plans. I feel like I’m always the one who asks him when he is free and then when I try to lockdown a specific time and activity to do he always says “we’ll see” or “let’s just be spontaneous ” or “I’ll let you know,” always something along those lines. What do you think about this situation? I think I kind of like him but I have a life and it’s frustrating when things are always up in the air! What do I do?


Wondering Wanda


Dear Wondering Wanda:

Let me be frank and say wonder no more, this guy is using you as a back-up plan. The fact that he says, “we’ll see” or “I’ll let you know,” screams to me that he has a serious case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). To him you’re not enough to be a priority but just enough to be an option and girlfriend, you are worth way more than that!

More and more I’ve discovered that boys like to mask their indecisiveness as “spontaneity.” Real men make plans. Try putting the ball in his court and see what, if any, action is taken by the guy. You may feel like texting him but just wait a few days and see if he makes the first move. By the sound of it, you may be waiting for a while.

Stop putting your life on hold for a guy who isn’t even sure if he wants to be in yours.

I’ve said it before – people will only do as much as you require them to do (thanks Think Like a Man for putting that into my head) if you keep making the plans or egging them on to happen and do so on his timeline, then the guy will continue to only put in the amount of work that you require him to do. That means that his behavior will continue if you do not require change.

Ditch the guy loser

I don’t mean to be rude but this guy seems like he is just keeping you around because you were a good lay. Sorry not sorry. By agreeing to hang out with you when you make plans, he seems like he is interested but honestly this guy is doing the bare minimum to keep you around. If he really liked you then he would be the one making the plans, wanting to see you all the time.

The fact that you’re telling me you “kind of” like this guy sounds to me that you are talking yourself into liking him. Maybe you think he’s super hot, maybe you’re feeling a bit lonely right now or maybe you did feel a connection with him. Whatever it may be, he is not returning those feelings with his actions and you deserve better.

Find a guy who is excited to see you. A man who secures the next date even before the one you are on ends. That is the guy who is worth the time and effort.

Remember you deserve to be a priority, NOT an option.




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