Dear Cynthia,I’ve been staying up many nights thinking about my wedding in just a few weeks from now! I have an amazing fiancee and I’m madly in love, but there’s just one problem. I have some dirty laundry that he has no clue about. I feel like I cannot go through with this wedding without telling him but at the same time I am in complete fear of losing the only person I’ve ever loved. I was a bit promiscuous when I was younger and had sex with most of the guys in my high school. You could say I was a rebellious teen who grew up without a father and lashed out by f*cking everyone in sight. Im scared that if he found out about my wild past he would dump me on the spot right before the most important day of my life 🙁Please help me so I can stop freaking out! :OThanks,
Dear Hollow Heather:
I’m going to break down two truths for you. 1.) Everybody on the face of the planet has a past, including your husband-to-be, that they might not be the most proud of. 2.) Nobody cares about what you did in high school! Ta-da!
I know you’re feeling like you absolutely have to tell your fiancé everything that happened in the past, so if that really is the case then go ahead and tell him. Get it off your chest. Let go of that pressure and guilt. It isn’t fair to either of you to hold on to such a burden, especially before such a happy day.
Let that dirty laundry out for some fresh air!
And I know you might think that he’s going to freak the fuck out and leave you stranded with a wedding dress and a whole shitload of cake, but if he is a grounded, loving and understanding man, then I can tell you that he’s not at all going to leave you for something that happened so long ago. Sure, it might sting him a little to find out that you were once a wild child who used sex as a way of lashing out. But you were also so young when it happened. You were confused and troubled. And who you were in high school is not who you are now. Times change. People change. They grow up. Your past does not define who you are, but it has definitely shaped the woman you’ve become—the woman your fiancé loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with.
You have to remember that everything that happens in a person’s life, even if not the fondest of moments, happen for a reason. And all a person can do is take the experience for what it is, accept it, and move on as a stronger, more resilient human being. It happened. It’s over.
Clearly it’s something that’s still haunting you, though, in which case I do think you should tell your fiancé. I couldn’t imagine him reacting in such a dramatic, I-never-want-to-see-you-again kind of way. (Anyone who’d react like that and would be willing to call off a wedding just because of a few sour sexual encounters that happened when you were barely eighteen years old, perhaps doesn’t have the heart you deserve in a lifetime partner, anyway.) And the sooner you tell him your dirty laundry the better. Carrying such baggage around like that when you’re trying to plan a wedding is literally the last thing any bride-to-be should have to deal with. So just get it over with. These are your last days before you become a Mrs. and it isn’t a time that should be ruined by your fear of being honest.
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